The Power of Intentional Listening
This is the most important conversation you’ll have this week. So listen up!
Have you ever gone to a dinner party and been waylaid by someone who just talks your ear off? The type who talks nonstop only about themselves, and is clueless that they are giving a monologue instead of having a conversation?
You desperately look around for a way to escape - a yawn, an excuse that you need to refill your drink, a pretext that you need to hit the bathroom. And then you flee, trying to find someone else to actually connect with. Yes, we’ve all been there.
Unfortunately, that type of exasperating, one-way communication is something we have observed with many real estate agents and others in sales. They talk incessantly, never stopping to listen, because they are focused on selling themselves. And that is a fatal mistake because it is an agent's job to learn about their customers; it is not the customer's job to learn about their agent. By making it all about money, and not about building the relationship, these agents are doomed to fail.
Why? Because - and feel free to write this down:
Your customers could care less about you until you show them how much you care about them!
Common Sense That's Not Common
What got me pondering this dynamic was observing my wife, Brittany, in action, and thinking about why she is so sought-after as a real estate agent/broker. In fact, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Yes, she is a good negotiator. Yes, she knows her contracts. Yes, she is super responsive. But I don’t believe that's why people constantly reach out to work with her, to be part of her life journey, and give her more business opportunities.
What makes that happen is Brittany prioritizing her customers’ needs over her own ego.
When Brittany interacts with a customer, I almost never hear her talk about herself. And, on the rare occasions when she does, it’s in a way that's relevant to her customer's situation, often as an example. Similarly, she rarely complains. She's humble and her attitude is stable, regardless of the circumstances. She problem solves quickly and doesn't react with a high level of emotional intensity. She does not absorb her customer's emotions. She is proactive and always looking to please the other person. She is cool, calm, collected, and reliable. Yes, I did marry up.
Relationships Are Built Upon Listening
The whole concept of listening to your customer and then helping them get what they want may seem like common sense. But, in today's world, it's rare for someone to truly listen to others. And that is not just an issue in the business world, it is also problem in personal relationships (are you picking up what I’m putting down?). How often have you seen spouses who too frequently talk past each other, or are listening only half-way, with one eye on their phone, connected to the virtual, ego-stroking outside world? No wonder today’s divorce rate exceeds 50%.
Our failure to truly listen to one another is a universal problem, one that I -- and perhaps you -- struggle with daily. If we’re not in the present with our kids, friends, or family members, we may be engaging in surface level conversations. And, a life filled with meaningless conversations is a life unfulfilled, with relationships that are ego driven. The fact is, genuine connection is rare because committed listening –the foundation of productive and fulfilling communication -- is rare.
As Robin Williams says in my favorite movie, Good Will Hunting,
"You could go through your entire life not really knowing anyone."
The Best Sales People are the Best Listeners
In the business world, I find that the best sales people are those who speak the least, and when they do, they're usually asking questions.
These savvy communicators certainly don’t go on about things they should know the other person probably cares nothing about. And, they confirm they are listening by repeating back what their customer has said, gaining the customer’s trust and understanding. Icing on the cake? They also use their customer's name frequently when conversing with them.
To quote author Robert C. Lee, “The sweetest sound to anyone's ears is the sound of his own name.”
The Most Impressive People in the Room Are Often the Quietest
When I go to business conferences, I often find that the most successful person in the room is not the obvious choice. It is usually not the flashy, fast-talking guy or gal who speaks the loudest and grabs the most attention. In my experience, the most successful person in the room is commonly the quieter one who is observing, sometimes taking copious notes, and chatting intensely with people one-on-one.
When I have had the opportunity to talk with these authentically engaged, high-octane individuals, the conversations evolved deeply and quickly, and we developed a REAL connection. Sometimes, I’ve gotten to know more about these people in a 10-minutes conversation than I’ve learned about friends I've known for years. Interestingly, these conversations often result in me also learning something about myself, gaining energy from the interaction rather than feeling drained.
These experiences move me to ask myself:
o Do I talk more than I listen?
o Do I give energy to those around me, or do I take it away?
o How do I know the answers to these questions?
The Takeaway
At this point, you may be thinking, OK, Jon, nice discussion about listening to people, but what is the take-away from all this?
It’s simple: the give-and-take quality of conversations is extremely important in business as well as personal lives.
Quality conversations --- founded on intentional listening -- are attractive to others, as we all seek authentic connections. And when others enjoy conversing with you, they seek you out for more quality interactions. They come back to you. They even refer others to you. And that's exactly what has happened with my wife.
Brittany is a quality listener, which has attracted others to her, sharpened her ability to be an effective problem solver, and allowed her to reap the reward of others constantly seeking to work with her. Consider that, in 2020, while opening a brokerage on track to become one of the Top 10 in NE Florida within 16 months, and opening a a mortgage branch – all while pregnant with our second child – Brittany managed to still serve 26 customers for $8,371,094 in closed volume -- most of it based solely on referral business. Her customers love her and the results speak loudly.
If you’re looking to see results like Brittany’s, do this:
Check your ego at the door, and learn to become a good listener.
Your long-term sales results are directly correlated to how well you listen.
If you’d like to connect more, email me @ jon@movewithmomentum.com Onward!
